I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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