I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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