The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
