OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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