I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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