stop calling my apartment porn island.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize