I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
