After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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