hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize