i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize