he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
