How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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