is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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