Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
