saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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