Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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