She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
