Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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