too bad you live with your parents still
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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