I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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