Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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