My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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