Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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