My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
