He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize