and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
