I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize