the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
