Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
