Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
