I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
