I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Two words: nipple clamps
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