listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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