If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
