I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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