what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
