I will die if light touches me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
