she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
