So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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