careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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