I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just had sex on a roof
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
