dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I look better un-naked...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
