She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize