Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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