I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
