As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
