I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
