She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
