Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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