i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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