My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
