you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
