And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
