In the future we'll all be gay
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
