It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
