We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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