In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
