The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
