In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
