he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize