So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
