somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
