It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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