so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He has the fingertips of a God
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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