i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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