The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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