i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
