just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
