remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
