She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You pole danced in your parka.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize