I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize